I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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