So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
