How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
