so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
