Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
