You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
