Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize