things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
