I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
