I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I think I just sharted jello shots
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
