My girlfriend figured out who you are.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
