I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
