Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm always down for nudity.
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