Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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