Do you still have your period?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
