I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
