Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
