I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Im part way to drunk.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
