and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i drank out of a bidet.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
