Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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