my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
not ubering you a puppy
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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