driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
