He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
