you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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