smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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