I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
