So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
