hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
