just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
