Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
