Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
