my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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