Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
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