he puts the penis in happiness.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
