I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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