Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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