dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
