Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i love accidental penises.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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