Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
