dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
