goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
