It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So apparently I’m into choking now
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
