Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
