he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
