smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
