remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
