didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
