Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
