You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
