You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
