My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
