note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
