that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
