Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize