his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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