Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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