I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
