I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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