the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
