I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
