your room smells of hookers.
And success
it hurts more in the daytime
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Bring me that man meat
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
