So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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