I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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