I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
as a side note pls kill me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
