i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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