I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
