he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
