At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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