dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
