Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
