I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
