did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
