thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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