I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
