I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She announced her abortion via fbk
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize