oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
they need to just BURY HIM!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
