I will die if light touches me.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
