oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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