dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
