Your tits are I can't wait for
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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