why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
