That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
