Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
