What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
