yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
