wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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