well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
