Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
