You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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