Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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