i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
