I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
