he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
