Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
