On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
