Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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