I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
