I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
