my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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